Rachel Barkey is Home.

Rachel Barkey went home to her Lord on July 2, 2009 at 37 years of age.

I wrote about her before, in a posted entitled “55 minutes.” I linked to her testimony.

I challenge you, I encourage you, I beg you – to take 55 minutes out of the busyness and redundancy of daily life and think on these things.

Here’s minute 48:

“I am dying.

But so are you.

Neither of us knows if we will even see tomorrow. And perhaps the reason that I am suffering now, the reason that God is waiting to bring judgment against all the evil in this world is because he is waiting for you. For you to acknowledge your sin and to turn to him for forgiveness.

Maybe YOU are the one we are waiting for.

Jesus suffered. God did not spare him. Why would he spare me? If my suffering would result in good for you? If my suffering is the means that God would use to bring even one person to himself, it is an honor for me to suffer.

Does that seem strange?

I suppose it does.

But really, it is the only way that all of this makes any sense at all.

A God who sees my suffering but is is unable, or worse, unwilling to spare me? A God who sees my suffering but allows it? With no greater purpose or hope? My God is able to save me and he will. But save me from what?

From a life without him.“

In the end, she stated that her goal was to “finish well.”

If you watch her testimony and it impacts your life as it did mine, it will be even more evidence that she achieved her goal.

Her funeral service will be held on Wednesday, July 8, at 1 p.m. at St. John’s Shaughnessy Church in Vancouver, BC. In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to Child of Mine (www.childofmine.ca) or World Vision (www.worldvision.ca).

55 minutes.

In the last few weeks, I’ve spent hours reading much on the paradox of evil and suffering vs. a loving and all powerful God. Hours. I’ve been thinking. learning. praying. blogging.

I began with the personal belief that God is loving, all-knowing and all-powerful – in spite of the evil and suffering in the world. I intentionally choose to accept this paradox. Intellectually, I don’t understand it. Emotionally, I hate it. Spiritually, I believe it.

But I was not ready.

Be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you. [Peter 3:15]

I had no answer other than, “I don’t understand it. I hate it. But I believe it.”

Not very pragmatic. So I went to books, as usual. I seek knowledge, as usual. I read C.S. Lewis for the first time. (The Problem of Pain) I read Philip Yancy for the first time. (Where is God When It Hurts?) I read Lee Strobel for the first time. (The Case for Faith) I read Herbert Lockyer. (Dark Threads the Weaver Needs) I’ve got a book list including John Piper’s Spectacular Sins and others. I’m still reading and I’m sure I’ll continue blogging about my learning curve and thoughts. But.

Today I watched a 55 minute video and it pulled everything together. E V E R Y T H I N G.

I paused it. Rewinded a few times. Made notes. Typed minute 48. Minute 48 is compelling to be sure. But the truth is that the entire video is compelling.

If you have ever – EVER – considered the “Is this all there is?” question, I promise you that this 55 minutes of your time won’t be wasted. Randy Pausch’s last lecture pales.

Rachel Barkey is dying of cancer. She is 37. She has two children under 5 years old. This is her testimony. Four things she has learned:

Know God.
Know Yourself.
Know the Gospel.
Know your Purpose.

She says in her blog that she wants to “finish well.” Helping to share her message is one small thing I can do to help her finish well. I can also pray.

Don’t have 55 minutes in one sitting? Watch a little at a time. Break it up and watch each of these “things she’s learned” separately. I challenge you, I encourage you, I beg you – to take 55 minutes out of the busyness and redundancy of daily life and think on these things.

Here’s minute 48:

“I am dying.

But so are you.

Neither of us knows if we will even see tomorrow. And perhaps the reason that I am suffering now, the reason that God is waiting to bring judgment against all the evil in this world is because he is waiting for you. For you to acknowledge your sin and to turn to him for forgiveness.

Maybe you are the one we are waiting for.

Jesus suffered. God did not spare him. Why would he spare me? If my suffering would result in good for you? If my suffering is the means that God would use to bring even one person to himself, it is an honor for me to suffer.

Does that seem strange?

I suppose it does.

But really, it is the only way that all of this makes any sense at all.

A God who sees my suffering but is is unable, or worse, unwilling to spare me? A God who sees my suffering but allows it? With no greater purpose or hope? My God is able to save me and he will. But save me from what?

From a life without him.”

Rachel’s message contains my answer.

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Thank you JanMary for the link to this powerful video.

huh? what? rewind.

I’ve been reading C.S. Lewis, so that’s what I’ve been saying to myself the last few days. He’s no easy read, at least for me, anyway. I find myself looking around for a nearby dictionary. Sometimes, if a laptop is within reach, I’ll Google a word, sometimes, I’ll decide to look it up later and promptly forget. But I’m doing a lot of “rewinding” as I read C.S. Lewis.

I’m actually understanding quite a bit more than I expected. Admittedly, sometimes Lewis will dissect a premise or an argument to the point of tedium and lose me in the process. Sometimes I find myself thinking, “Okay, I agree with that, I don’t really need you to prove it until I die of boredom . . . ”

Is that wrong?

It’s C.S. Lewis, for crying out loud. I should have more respect.

nah. I’m more comfortable thinking of him as “Jack” as he preferred to be called.

Anyway. Sometimes, I actually get what Jack’s saying immediately and he states it in such a way that I don’t even need a dictionary or a rewind. I got this right away:

“A man can no more diminish God’s glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, ‘darkness’ on the walls of his cell.”

I like that one. Does that really drive home the meaning of the phrase, “It’s not about me” or what?

But, I digress.

I got a big honkin book from the library because I wanted to read “The Problem of Pain” and it wasn’t on my bookshelf. This thing contains 6 of his books in one. Not a book you take to the beach or tuck in your purse.

If you’ve been around for the last few weeks, you know I’ve been thinking, studying and working on the paradox of pain and suffering vs. an all-powerful and loving God. I’m looking for a reasonable response for myself, for other Christians and non-Christians who object to the possibility that the two could co-exist. (You can read what I’ve learned so far by checking out the posts under the “suffering” category.)

The thing is, I can’t even begin to approach reasonableness unless I can base it on the premise of the existence of God in the first place, and more importantly, the truth of the salvation of Jesus Christ. See, I want to go to the Bible for the suffering vs. loving God argument, but if the Bible isn’t accepted as a foundational reference to the argument, I got a whole bunch of nothin. I have to begin with proving the Bible. Proving Jesus. Proving Christianity. And this isn’t physical science. My proof isn’t going to come from a Mythbusters experiment. My proof comes from . . . well. Faith.

Jack knew that. And he didn’t pretend to “get it.” Check it out:

“. . . I could write a preface explaining that I did not live up to my own principles! . . . I feel myself so far from true feeling of that I speak, that I can naught else but cry mercy and desire after it as I may . . . If any man is safe from the danger of underestimating this adversary [pain], I am that man. I must add too, that the only purpose of the book is to solve the intellectual problem raised by suffering; for the far higher task of teaching fortitude and patience I was never fool enough to suppose myself qualified, nor have I anything to offer my readers except my conviction that when pain is to be borne, a little courage helps more than much knowledge, a little human sympathy more than courage, and the least tincture of the love of God more than all.”

I’m left believing that Jack and I have much in common in this respect. Although I’ve alluded to past struggle in my life, the truth be told is that I’ve not suffered pain in the sense that many, many have. In the sense of what would be described as tragedy. So I start where Jack did – 20 years before he watched, helplessly as his wife suffered and died. 20 years before he wrote of his personal experience with pain in “A Grief Observed” which is also on my reading list. I start intellectually. In a relatively safe place. Knowing that if when I face true personal tragedy, I will have to start over.

But hopefully, as Jack did, I will come full circle. Grounding my personal suffering in my intellectual understanding.

And all this from the preface of the book.

Next? Chapter 1. After I look up the word “tincture.”

faith in a vacuum is easy. (a loving God. evil and suffering. part 2.)

I’m not worthy. How can I reply to you? I’m putting my hand over my mouth. I’ll stop talking.
Job 40:4

I know that you can do anything. No one can keep you from doing what you plan to do. You asked me, Who do you think you are to disagree with my plans? You do not know what you are talking about.’ I spoke about things I didn’t completely understand. I talked about things that were too wonderful for me to know.
Job 42:2-3

This is one of what I’m sure will be many posts on the seeming contradiction between a loving God and the presence of evil and suffering in the world.

In a comment on my previous post – the first on this topic, Lisa of Lisa Writes gave me a book referral: John Piper’s Spectacular Sins. I read pages 22-26 on Amazon’s “Look Inside.” Here’s a very short excerpt:

“Surely this Jesus can stop a tsunami, and make the wind blow a jet off its deadly course toward a crowded tower, and loosen the stranglehold of an umbilical cord from around an infant’s neck, and blind the eyes of torturers, and stop a drought. Surely he can do this and a thousand other acts of restraint and rescue. He has done it before. He could do it now. What is his reason for not doing it more often than he does?”

“What is his reason for not doing it more often than he does?”

This is only one of the questions I’m delving into as I explore this topic. Not so much for myself, to assuage my own grieving or anger or other emotion which can so quickly and easily find itself into the heart of humans today, when faced with evil and suffering. As I said in my first post, I want to be able to formulate an intelligent response which adequately, logically, PRAGMATICALLY addresses the question AND the objections to the pat, theological answers. More specifically, I want to be able to articulate this response to someone who may not believe the Bible to be the Living Word of God.

In theory, Christians are easier. Christians are pre-disposed to understand and accept (maybe not agree, but accept) Biblical support I might point to as I try to explain my own personal view and understanding. My background is seeping in here, but I think of it this way: In communication theory, specifically in persuasion, this is referred to as a “latitude of acceptance.” If someone is more likely to accept an idea, they are said to have a latitude of acceptance. If someone is more inclined to reject an idea, they would have a latitude of rejection. If someone is open minded and has no pre-conceived idea or prejudice on a topic, they are said to have a latitude of non-commitment. As a Christian, I have a latitude of acceptance for any Biblical support provided in a persuasive effort. It has to be sound Biblical support, taken IN context, but for the most part I will look to the Bible for my reasoning. (And I’m no stranger to looking up the meaning of original language).

For example, as a Christian, here’s a HUGE reason why I personally accept God’s sovereignty with regard to evil and suffering in the world:

The Book of Job, Chapter 38:1-40:4 (see my responses in parenthesis)

38:1 The Lord spoke to Job out of a storm. He said,

2 “Who do you think you are to disagree with my plans? (ummm)
You do not know what you are talking about. (yeh, but . . . )
3 Get ready to stand up for yourself. (uh oh)
I will ask you some questions.
Then I want you to answer me. (k)
4 “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?
Tell me, if you know.
5 Who measured it? I am sure you know! (you did)
Who stretched a measuring line across it? (you did)
6 What was it built on?
Who laid its most important stone? (you did)

8 “Who created the ocean? (you did)
Who caused it to be born? (you did)

11 I said, ‘You can come this far.
But you can’t come any farther.
Here is where your proud waves have to stop.’
12 “Job, have you ever commanded the morning to come? (no, Lord.)
Have you ever shown the sun where to rise? (no.)

16 “Have you traveled to the springs at the bottom of the ocean? (no, Lord.)
Have you walked in its deepest parts? (no.)
17 Have the gates of death been shown to you? (no.)
Have you seen the gates of darkness? (no.)
18 Do you understand how big the earth is? (no, Lord.)
Tell me, if you know all of those things. (no, Lord, I don’t know any of these things.)
19 “Where does light come from? (you, Lord.)
And where does darkness live?
20 Can you take them to their places? (no.)
Do you know the paths to their houses?
21 I am sure you know! After all, you were already born!
You have lived so many years! (what was I thinking? questioning God?)
22 “Have you entered the places where the snow is kept? (I’m going to shut up now.)
Have you seen the storerooms for the hail?

24 Where does lightning come from?
Where do the east winds that blow across the earth live?
25 Who tells the rain where it should fall?
Who makes paths for the thunderstorms?

28 Does the rain have a father?
Who is the father of the drops of dew?
29 Does the ice have a mother?
Who is the mother of the frost from the heavens?

31 “Can you tie up the beautiful Pleiades?
Can you untie the ropes that hold Orion together?
32 Can you bring out all of the stars in their seasons?
Can you lead out the Big Dipper and the Little Dipper?
33 Do you know the laws that govern the heavens?
Can you rule over the earth the way I do?
34 “Can you give orders to the clouds?
Can you make them pour rain down on you?
35 Do you send the lightning bolts on their way?
Do they report to you, ‘Here we are’?
36 Who put wisdom in people’s hearts? (you did, Lord. Just now.)
Who gave understanding to their minds? (Thank you, Lord.)
37 Who is wise enough to count the clouds?
Who can tip over the water jars of the heavens?

Chapter 39
26 “Job, are you wise enough to teach hawks where to fly?
They spread their wings and fly toward the south.
27 Do you command eagles to fly so high?
They build their nests as high as they can.

Job Chapter 40
1 The Lord continued,

2 “I am the Mighty One.
Will the man who argues with me correct me?
Let him who brings charges against me answer me!”

Job’s Reply
3 Job replied to the Lord,

4 “I’m not worthy. How can I reply to you?
I’m putting my hand over my mouth. I’ll stop talking.

Job 42

Job’s Reply
1 Job replied to the Lord,

2 “I know that you can do anything.
No one can keep you from doing what you plan to do.
3 You asked me, ‘Who do you think you are to disagree with my plans?
You do not know what you are talking about.’
I spoke about things I didn’t completely understand.
I talked about things that were too wonderful for me to know.
4 “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak.
I will ask you some questions.
Then I want you to answer me.’
5 My ears had heard about you.
But now my own eyes have seen you. (emphasis added)

After SEEING the Lord, Job had no desire to debate. To question. To “yeh, but.”

Instead, after SEEING the Lord, Job said, “”I’m not worthy. How can I reply to you? I’m putting my hand over my mouth. I’ll stop talking.

Job took the words right out of my mouth.

God explaining the things HE understands to ME? I would be like explaining calculus to a 2 year old. My mind wouldn’t be able to grasp it.

But that’s just me. So, knowing that I have NO idea what I’m talking about, I instead trust God, much like a child trusts that his parents will care for him. The child doesn’t understand what’s involved in raising him, he’s just living in subjective self-awareness. Knowing that I have no CAPACITY to understand the things of God, I believe in God’s sovereignty. Now, this is not to say that when I’ve faced . . . difficulty in the past, that I didn’t grieve and struggle with God’s will. This is not to say that, facing tragedy in my future I won’t struggle and desperately beg God to grant me peace. I’m human. I’m weak. I need God. Which is kind of my point.

I trust in a sovereign God. I believe that He is a loving God, despite evil and suffering in the world.

So now what? Do I just say, “I’m good.” and be done with it? Or, when I encounter others who aren’t able to do that or who choose not to do that, do I step outside of my independent security? Do I reach out to OTHERS and, in compassion and with God’s love and hopefully, His wisdom, do my very best to help them see what I see? Do I say, “Well, I can’t understand the things of God, so I’ll just have faith and I’ll be fine.” and be done with it? Do I stand comfortable and secure in MY acceptance and understanding of Biblical truth or do I prepare myself to address the common arguments to my faith and the truths presented in the Bible? When faced with these arguments, these obstacles of faith, do I seek to understand the things he HAS revealed? The things I AM capable of understanding? Because there are SOME things I CAN wrap my mind around and be able to share.

If I make the effort. Faith in a vacuum is easy.

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There’s a cartoon about two turtles. One turtle says “Sometimes I’d like to ask God
why he allows poverty, famine, and injustice when he could do something about it.”
The other turtle says, “I’m afraid God might ask me the same question.”