thankful. 11.20.09 Happy Birthday PinkGirl!!!!

I’m so thankful . . .

For my daughter today on her 9th birthday!

Today, I’m revisiting a Pragmatic Communion post I wrote about her because I’m SO VERY THANKFUL she is still has the sweet spirit and vivacious enthusiasm for life I described two years ago. Her enthusiasm for everything in life comes from her authentic joy and it is contagious!

Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or fret your children [do not be hard on them or harass them], lest they become discouraged and sullen and morose and feel inferior and frustrated. [Do not break their spirit.]
Colossians 3:21 The Amplified Bible

My daughter is a free spirit.

She sings. Loud. She sings Disney princess songs and hymns. Praise songs and jingles. She sings her own personal compositions. Sometimes they rhyme, sometimes not. Her own songs are l-o- n-g. She sings about everything. Love. Jesus. Her Heart. Disney. Sometimes she throws in a line about gross bodily functions before cracking herself up because it is SO hysterically funny. (She’s 7.) She sings in the car and doesn’t care who stares. She will climb to the top of a playground structure and sing her songs to an audience in the sky. She doesn’t care if people can hear her. She wants people to hear her.

Please don’t tell her to be quiet.

She dances. She twirls. She vogues. She bounces. She skips. She runs when and where there is open space. She swings. HIGH. She calls out “Watch me!” and wants me to take her picture. This is what happy looks like.

Please don’t tell her to sit still.

She loves to dress up. She can’t watch “Annie” without pausing the DVD player for multiple costume changes. She “invents” outfits and hairstyles. She wears prints with stripes, pink with orange and mismatched socks for “flair.” She loves lipstick and jewelry. She loves pink. Not pastel pink. PEPTO pink! BOLD pink.

Please don’t “correct” her wardrobe selections.

She loves to perform. The fireplace hearth is her stage. She wrote a play when she was in pre-kindergarten. She sat in a chair for hours on a Friday night, writing on one piece of paper after another. When it was all said and done, written on each piece of paper were the lines of each character in her play. When I typed it up for her later, she knew immediately which paper to read from next as she dictated the dialog for me. The spelling was creative, but the play was complete with a hero, a villain, a quest, and lots of songs to sing.

Please don’t tell her to “act like the other kids.”

She finds wonder in so many things. A lizard hiding in the grass. A crushed acorn. The shape of a cloud. She can’t go for a walk around the block without stopping every few feet to pick up a leaf, pet a neighbor’s cat or point out something interesting. She wants to see everything and go everywhere. And she wants to tell you all about it. Because it’s made such an imprint on her, she believes she should share it.

Please don’t make absentminded comments when she’s talking to you. She’s smart. She knows.

Don’t get me wrong. She’s not wild and undisciplined. She understands that she should whisper in a library, sit quietly attentive and respectfully listen to her teachers in class, and wear her uniform to school. She understands that sometimes she needs to follow directions instead of direct her own elaborate scripts. She knows to share and to take something she finds to lost and found. She knows that if we forget to pay for the case of soda under the grocery cart, that we are going back inside the store to make it right. She knows proper manners for the using the phone, how to handle a laptop computer and how to carry scissors. She understands that she can’t break out of line at school to chase a lizard or twirl. She knows not to run in a parking lot and to look both ways before she crosses the street. She knows to wear shorts under her skirts so no one can see “London” and that she can’t wear makeup to school and church. She even knows the only time her belly button should show in public is when she is wearing a bathing suit.

What she doesn’t know yet is that someday she may be too embarrassed to express herself “out loud” like she does now. She hasn’t spent time with “that” person. You know, the person who will try to convince her that her free and confident self-expression is inappropriate or wrong. The person who will introduce doubt and self-consciousness.

I pray that when faced with that person – that criticism – she is confident enough to stand strong and be herself. I refuse to silence her just because of what other people might think. I refuse to force her to wear what I think she should or tell her that she should only wear two braids, instead of six. I refuse to make her sit down when there’s no reason she can’t run. I refuse to squelch her spirit – just because it’s different than mine.

Sometimes it looks like she is dancing without music. She’s not. The music is in her heart. We can hear it if we just listen.

Not allowing your children to do innocent but different things is the logical outgrowth of a belief system that emphasizes the symbols of faith rather than it’s substance. This shallow religion measures success more by the image than by genuine authenticity.
Dr. Tim Kimmel
Grace Based Parenting

She challenges me every day and I’m a better person because I get to be her mom.

THANK YOU, LORD!!!

 

---

I’m participating in a month of Thanksgiving hosted by Rebecca Writes. If you want to join in, post something you are thankful for and then link up over at Rebecca’s blog!

 

nosebleed.

This post, entitled nosebleed, was originally posted on Pragmatic Communion on October 14, 2005.

---

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6 NKJV

Last month I shared my prayer as I seek God’s direction in my life: “Lord, please use people, circumstances, your Word and your Spirit to guide me in the direction I need to go in order to glorify you . . . and please, please, please SLAM the door in my face if I even BEGIN to move in direction you don’t want me to go.”

I got a door slammed in my face.

I’ve been teaching Business and Professional Communication at the University of Central Florida since the Fall of 1998, so when I received my contract for Fall of 2005, I signed it and mailed it back – no big deal. After 7 years, it’s routine.

Two days later, the phone rings. It’s my “boss.” He’s the guy who handles the scheduling and staffing for the Organizational Communication courses. He’s new to the job this semester, taking it over from my old “boss” who recently retired. He’s nice. Friendly. Turns out, he was one of my instructors when I went to UCF.

In a nutshell? UCF is going through the re-accreditation process and he needs to “confirm” my “credentials” before he finalizes the schedule. So, we go over my resume, I tell him some recent work history and then there’s the teaching of this class for the last 7 years. Twice in those 7 years, I’d been asked to allow new instructors job shadow me. So, it’s a nice conversation. I’m confident I’ve highlighted my qualifications for the job. He thanks me and tells me he’ll let me know.

I spend the next 24 hours thinking about the possibilities. Will they offer me a full time associate position? A visiting professor position? Do I really want to work full time? How would it impact my family’s life?

The next day, the phone rings and he greets me with:

“Julie, the news isn’t good.”

(“The news isn’t good?” Wait. That wasn’t one of the scenarios I’d been playing in my head for the last 24 hours.)

“It turns out you’re credentialed to teach in the Business Department, not the Communication Department.”

“I’m not qualified to teach in the Communication Department?”

“No, no, no, no, we both know you’re QUALIFIED, you’re just not CREDENTIALED. You have an MBA and to teach in the Communication Department, you need 18 hours of Master’s level work in the Communication Department.”

“Oh.”

So he fills the awkward silence with an encouraging monologue.
(I think – I wasn’t really listening.)

Finally, I say, “You know, it’s okay. Really. I don’t know you very well, but I’ll just tell you – I’m a Christian and I’ve been praying for God’s direction. This means I’m supposed to be doing something else with my time and energy.”
(WHERE did THAT come from????)

“I’M A CHRISTIAN TOO! Julie, this is going to turn out well for you. I really believe that!”

wow. i do too. really.

So we spend a few more minutes talking, he tells me I can call him if I need a reference, we hang up and I no longer teach for UCF.

Excuse me while I tip my head back for a while.

i hate flux.

I’m in transition. again. I think. I’ve got a decision to make about God’s will, service, direction, music, time, commitment, family . . .

I’m flashing back. deja vu. This post was my first on my Pragmatic Communion Blog. It was originally published in September of 2005.

---

this is what you get when you combine:

a mid-life crisis
(I turned 29 just 12 short years ago!),
a few good books
(okay, more than a few),
a whole lot of soul searching
(my husband LOVED the conversations – all 4,263 of them.)
a background of seemingly unrelated skills, education & experience
(God can use anything, right?)
and two years of listening and waiting on God
(I hate it when God teaches me patience – again.)

I’d like to tell you my plan, but you know what they say:
“How do you make God laugh?”
“Make a plan.”

SO,

I’ll tell you how I got here, keep you up to date on what’s going on and post my musings on what might happen in the future. Your guess is as good as mine. Here’s what I pray more than anything else:

“Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you . . . “
(I do eventually stop.)

Here’s what I pray next:

“Lord, please use people, circumstances, your Word and your Spirit to guide me in the direction I need to go in order to glorify you . . . and please, please, please SLAM the door in my face if I even BEGIN to move in direction you don’t want me to go.”

Just be careful what you pray for.
(I’ll tell you about my recent nosebleed in a later post).

never going to stop trying

This post, entitled never going to stop trying, was originally published on Pragmatic Commotion on February 19, 2009. The comment exchange remains with the original post.

---

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering.And so he condemned sin in sinful man,in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.
Romans 8:1-4 NIV

I love old books.

The dusty old book I picked up this week is entitled “What is a Christian” by A. Leonard Griffith, copyright 1962.

“First and foremost, Christianity is a relationship to a Person. In that sense it differs from great world religions like Judaism and Hinduism and it differs from Communism and other rival secular faiths that compete for men’s allegiance today. All these direct our loyalty to a theological system, a code of ethics, a philosophy or an ideology, but Christianity alone directs our loyalty to a Person. Where Christ is, there is Christianity, and the Christian is a person who tries to be a follower of Jesus Christ.

We say “tries” because no one succeeds perfectly. How very wrong to assume that either you must be a first-class Christian or else you have no right to call yourself a Christian at all. We should never adopt that attitude toward other things. We do not deny ourselves the privilege of education simply because we are not first-class scholars, or the pleasure of singing because we are not of concert calibre, or the enjoyment of knocking a golf ball because we lack professional skill.

The real zest in life lies not in achievement but in effort, not in having arrived, but in striving.”

What a humbling reminder. Being a Christian comes down to ONE thing. A relationship to a Person (with a capital “P”). It is this Person I fail when I sin, not myself. When I become disappointed or frustrated about not meeting my own expectations, I need to remember who it is I am really disappointing. If my goals are in line with God’s will, if my striving is to glorify God, whose “expectations” have I really failed when I sin?

I can’t be a “first-class” Christian. What is that anyway?

I’m going to try to follow Christ. And in this “striving” Mr. Griffith talks about, I have been able to see the sin in self-condemnation.

I will sin. Any minute now. I don’t know how, but I will. I’m human. And I don’t want to waste one minute berating myself. It’s as if Jesus is standing there, waiting on me, with scars on his hands and feet, asking me to come and I respond by saying:

“I’ll be there in a minute. I’m not finished punishing myself yet.”

If Jesus was actually physically standing there, I wonder if he would roll his eyes and say:

“You just don’t get it, do you? Come here. RIGHT NOW. Sit down. Let me explain Grace one more time.”

Instead of wasting time and devaluing Grace by berating myself, I need to sincerely repent, ask forgiveness and try again. I need – and want – to start striving again as soon as possible. Self-condemnation prevents me from doing that. Self-condemnation delays my striving.

I can’t be perfect. It’s just not possible. But I’m not going to let that stop me from trying to follow Christ. If I wander off the road, the Holy Spirit is my GPS. I will find the “right” road again. But I refuse to stand there, in the middle of the “wrong” road, whining about the fact that I got lost.

Again.

By no preachment can we really satisfy that earnest inquirer who asked,
“What is a Christian?” But I wonder if we could point him to someone we know,
someone who has responded to the Master’s call and who so tries to follow Jesus
that of him it might be said, “There goes a Christian.”
A. Leonard Griffith

---

UPDATE: Debbie’s comment caused me to rethink my wording – and prompted me to do a little research. Found an interesting video on youtube. A preacher talks about the idea of “disappointing God” being a lie. See my comment below Debbie’s for my thoughts on this.

reputations and consequences

Jules over at Everyday Mommy has begun Devout Devotions, a weekly exchange where

“women encourage one another to:

1. Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ
2. Devote themselves to observation, interpretation and application of God’s Word in their lives
3. Encourage God-centered behavior and thought”

She posted this week’s questions on Wednesday and I’ve been rolling them around in my head for a few days. Let’s see what comes out through my fingertips as I try to organize my thoughts:

1. Before you begin a new activity for the Lord, what questions should you ask yourself ? “Is this really for God?” “Is this in line with my stated goals for my family and my life?” “Am I being pressured into saying yes when I should say no?” “Is this activity a stepping stone to something else?” “If I say yes to this, what else will I have to give up or say no to later?”

2. Whose reputation matters most to you–yours or God? How do your actions show this? It depends on where I am in my relationship with God.

If I am close to Him, it is His reputation. I have an acute awareness that my actions are a witness. I remember that what I do reflects upon him. To simplify it, when my kids have gone somewhere in their school uniform, or when FavoriteSon went somewhere in his scout uniform, the grown-ups always reminded the kids that because they were dressed in clothing that identified them with those organizations, people would look at what they did as a representation of those organizations. Simple, I know. But the relationship make sense to me.

But. If I am not close to him (and it is always ME who moves away), my honest answer is that my reputation matters more. I don’t believe it is because I want people to like me. I’m not what you might call a people pleaser. I’ve long since given up on gaining approval or love by meeting other’s expectations. That’s a big ol’ waste of my time. What I do know about myself is that much of my self-confidence comes from the power of knowledge and competence. So if I fail – if I erode my credibility through that failure and my reputation takes a hit, I do NOT like it. This is true if I fail in public or private. Sure, some of my self-confidence comes from other’s awareness of my knowledge and competence in certain areas. But, I’ve also come to realize that just as much of my self-confidence comes from ME being aware of my knowledge and competence in certain areas. So, when I fail or sin and I’m the only one who knows about it, my credibility with ME is eroded. And I do NOT like it. But again, that’s when I’m focused on me, not God, so thankfully and by His grace, that isn’t all the time.

3. The majority of culture rebel against God, at home, work and even church. How can you stand against this tide? This one is a little easier to answer. I don’t try to gain approval by meeting other’s expectations. Is that a nice way of saying that I don’t give a flying flip what mainstream culture thinks about how I live my life? How I guide and raise my children? I can live with that. No apologies here for living what I believe.

4. Do you think people should have to live with the consequences of their sins? What does God think about this?

First question: Yes, and that applies to me too, not just “other” people. I’ve seen so many people try the ““Jake” thing from the Blues Brothers. (Go ahead. Click on the link, you’ll see what I’m talking about. It’s 24 seconds.) Seriously. I have no patience for that. Here’s something I’ve been heard to say frequently. “Own it.” And that applies to me, too. An example that immediately comes to my mind happened just over a year ago. I had what I described as one of the most stressful days I had in years. That afternoon, picked the kids up at school and after a few hours in my company, my son said, “Mom? Can I do ANYTHING right today?” ouch. I owned it and apologized big time. I HATE “owning it.” But when I do, I learn so much. Lessons learned to guard against future sins. Hopefully.

Second question: What does God think about this? Immediately I remembered a devotional I wrote last year and the exchange that followed. Elle and Debbie had some comments really made sense.

---

Find more responses to this weeks questions over at Devout Devotions hosted by Jules at Everyday Mommy

freedom to be different.

Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or fret your children [do not be hard on them or harass them], lest they become discouraged and sullen and morose and feel inferior and frustrated. [Do not break their spirit.]
Colossians 3:21 The Amplified Bible

My daughter is a free spirit.

She sings. Loud. She sings Disney princess songs and hymns. Praise songs and jingles. She sings her own personal compositions. Sometimes they rhyme, sometimes not. Her own songs are l-o- n-g. She sings about everything. Love. Jesus. Her Heart. Disney. Sometimes she throws in a line about gross bodily functions before cracking herself up because it is SO hysterically funny. (She’s 7.) She sings in the car and doesn’t care who stares. She will climb to the top of a playground structure and sing her songs to an audience in the sky. She doesn’t care if people can hear her. She wants people to hear her.

Please don’t tell her to be quiet.

She dances. She twirls. She vogues. She bounces. She skips. She runs when and where there is open space. She swings. HIGH. She calls out “Watch me!” and wants me to take her picture. This is what happy looks like.

Please don’t tell her to sit still.

She loves to dress up. She can’t watch “Annie” without pausing the DVD player for multiple costume changes. She “invents” outfits and hairstyles. She wears prints with stripes, pink with orange and mismatched socks for “flair.” She loves lipstick and jewelry. She loves pink. Not pastel pink. PEPTO pink! BOLD pink.

Please don’t “correct” her wardrobe selections.

She loves to perform. The fireplace hearth is her stage. She wrote a play when she was in pre-kindergarten. She sat in a chair for hours on a Friday night, writing on one piece of paper after another. When it was all said and done, written on each piece of paper were the lines of each character in her play. When I typed it up for her later, she knew immediately which paper to read from next as she dictated the dialog for me. The spelling was creative, but the play was complete with a hero, a villain, a quest, and lots of songs to sing.

Please don’t tell her to “act like the other kids.”

She finds wonder in so many things. A lizard hiding in the grass. A crushed acorn. The shape of a cloud. She can’t go for a walk around the block without stopping every few feet to pick up a leaf, pet a neighbor’s cat or point out something interesting. She wants to see everything and go everywhere. And she wants to tell you all about it. Because it’s made such an imprint on her, she believes she should share it.

Please don’t make absentminded comments when she’s talking to you. She’s smart. She knows.

Don’t get me wrong. She’s not wild and undisciplined. She understands that she should whisper in a library, sit quietly attentive and respectfully listen to her teachers in class, and wear her uniform to school. She understands that sometimes she needs to follow directions instead of direct her own elaborate scripts. She knows to share and to take something she finds to lost and found. She knows that if we forget to pay for the case of soda under the grocery cart, that we are going back inside the store to make it right. She knows proper manners for the using the phone, how to handle a laptop computer and how to carry scissors. She understands that she can’t break out of line at school to chase a lizard or twirl. She knows not to run in a parking lot and to look both ways before she crosses the street. She knows to wear shorts under her skirts so no one can see “London” and that she can’t wear makeup to school and church. She even knows the only time her belly button should show in public is when she is wearing a bathing suit.

What she doesn’t know yet is that someday she may be too embarrassed to express herself “out loud” like she does now. She hasn’t spent time with “that” person. You know, the person who will try to convince her that her free and confident self-expression is inappropriate or wrong. The person who will introduce doubt and self-consciousness.

I pray that when faced with that person – that criticism – she is confident enough to stand strong and be herself. I refuse to silence her just because of what other people might think. I refuse to force her to wear what I think she should or tell her that she should only wear two braids, instead of six. I refuse to make her sit down when there’s no reason she can’t run. I refuse to squelch her spirit – just because it’s different than mine.

Sometimes it looks like she is dancing without music. She’s not. The music is in her heart. We can hear it if we just listen.

Not allowing your children to do innocent but different things is the logical outgrowth of a belief system that emphasizes the symbols of faith rather than it’s substance. This shallow religion measures success more by the image than by genuine authenticity.
Dr. Tim Kimmel
Grace Based Parenting

---

This devotional, entitled “freedom to be different.” was originally posted on Pragmatic Communion on February 19, 2008. It was inspired by the book, Grace-Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel and this little girl.

ch ch ch changes.

I’ve decided to make some changes here at Pragmatic Compendium. I’m going to make it more of a compendium. Here are the changes:

1. I’m going to be republishing existing content from my other blogs into Compendium, so that this will be a one stop shop for all my posts. I’m doing this for a few reasons. First, I frequently can’t find my own posts because I can’t remember where I put them. Secondly, the stats from the other blogs don’t show much traffic from Compendium, so my readers are missing my posts. Compendium is only part of who I am. There’s more!

2. I’m going to keep the other blogs too and continue to publish in them. Every time I post in one of my other blogs, I will publish the exact same content in Compendium too.

Why not just put everything in Compendium and do away with the other blogs?
- The other blogs do get traffic, just not much from Compendium. Most traffic comes from subscription services/readers and search strings.
- Pragmatic Communion is JUST for devotions. By still publishing in Communion, readers who only want to read the devotions don’t have to wade through everything else to find them.
- Pragmatic Commotion is JUST for family stuff. Kid stories and quotes, photos, stuff like that. By still publishing in Commotion, friends and family who want to keep up with my family life don’t have to wade through everything else to find things only related to my family. I might not publish all the kid/family photos on Compendium. I’m not sure yet.
- Pragmatic Communication is JUST about communication: talking, writing, reading, and listening. I’m revamping my business website and will be linking to communication “articles” in Pragmatic Communication. My communication clients want to read about communication tips without wading through recipes, my favorite youtube clips and everything else unrelated to communication.
- Pragmatic Computing (my first blog, by the way) is JUST for computer tips and troubleshooting. It is also linked from my business website and my computer clients like to find computer tips without (again) wading through everything else.

3. I’ll be changing the sidebar widgets to remove the links to the last three posts on each of my other blogs. Since the content will already be within Compendium, readers don’t need to see the last three entries on those blogs. I will instead have a single link to each of the other blogs in the sidebar, in case readers want to JUST see devotions, or family stuff, or communication articles, or computer tips.

4. I think I will be removing links TO Compendium which currently appear in my other blogs. That means there will be no clear path BACK to Compendium when someone clicks over to one of the other blogs from here. However, ALL links from Compendium to the other blogs will open in a new window or tab, leaving the Compendium page open. My reasoning for this one?
- Communication and Computing? Clients don’t need to read such personal stuff about me. It makes things awkward for them. When I get to know a client better, I tell them about Compendium. I got a new client last week. A 64 year old man. He really doesn’t want to stumble upon my hysterectomy woes. Neither do I want him to. Talk about awkward.
- Communion – I haven’t decided whether to link back to Compendium yet. I think I’ll leave that two way clicking path available.
- Commotion? I’m considering telling my mother about Commotion. Somebody slap me. If I do, I don’t want her to find her way to Compendium. I will set all comments on Commotion to be approved before they appear so no one will accidentally “spill” the existence of Compendium. By telling my mother about Commotion, she will get photos and stories about the kids without me having to send the photos or tell her the stories. Somebody slap me. Or convince me this won’t be dangerous, that it’s a good idea and I won’t regret it.

5. I’m beefing up the categories and tags on all the blogs to, hopefully, make it easier for me readers to find posts about certain topics.

6. I haven’t decided how my menu bar at the top will change, but it will. (I’m open to suggestions.)

I LOVE my template, so it will NOT change.

So here’s a call for feedback! What else should I consider? What other changes should I make? What changes should I NOT make?

Word-Filled Wednesday: Joshua 1:9

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Joshua 1:9 (NIV)

---

A a devotional on this verse, entitled “be strong and courageous.” can be found on my Pragmatic Communion blog. Here’s an excerpt:

“. . . So we didn’t go to church. But what an amazing time together, listening to my children talk about their faith they way they never do when we are rushing through our day and our week. PinkGirl even forgot about the storm. Now, we can say: “Have I not commanded you . . . ” and she will repeat it and continue through the end of the verse.

I need that verse too. I mentioned that I am FINALLY going to get rid of my fibroids by having a hysterectomy this year. Things are progressing and the realization that I’m going to have another surgery and go under general anesthesia – which is scarier to me than any pain resulting from the surgery – is settling in. I HATE going under. See when I’m under, I have NO control over what’s happening. I have to trust OTHER PEOPLE with my LIFE. I’m continuing through the process, taking action one step at a time, but I know the night before the surgery is going to come with some Ambien.

What I need to see is GOD working through those people. Let me tell myself that again. I need to see GOD working through those other people. He’ll be there in the operating room with me because he loves me. He’ll be there in the operating room. He’ll be there in the operating room. He’ll be there . . .

What I also need to do is to stop feeling guilty about having this surgery. Thoughts creep in and out of my day – I could just live with the daily iron pills and frequent bleeding. It’s not like I have a “real” problem. I’ve had a pap smear, an internal and external sonogram, a cervical biopsy, and two different kinds of endometrial biopsies. There is no cancer, there are no polyps, nothing suspicious. Just annoying bleeding and low iron that can be treated with a daily supplement. But. I know that life will be better if my iron levels are normal. I know I will be more active if I don’t have to deal with the bleeding. I KNOW the surgery is the right thing to do. My hormone levels are completely normal – no sign of menopause. So if I wait for menopause to stop the bleeding, I’ll be waiting a very long time.

“Have I not commanded you . . .”

So here’s the step of faith . . . “

(Read the full devotional here.)

---

Join in Word-Filled Wednesdays hosted by Amydeanne over at The 160 Acre Woods!

“. . . therefore I quote” Anna Quinland

I read, therefore I quote.

And eventually being perfect became like carrying a backpack filled with bricks every single day. And oh, how I wanted to lay my burden down. So if any of this sounds in any way familiar to you, if you have been trying to be perfect too, then perhaps today is the day to put down that backpack before you develop permanent curvature of the spirit. Trying to be perfect may be inevitable for people who are smart and ambitious and interested in the world and in its good opinion. But at some level it’s too hard, and at another, it’s too cheap and easy. Because all it really requires of you, mainly is to read the zeitgeist of wherever and whenever you happen to be and to assume the masks necessary to be the best at whatever the zeitgeist dictates or requires. Those requirements shape-shift, sure, but when you’re clever you can read them and come up with the imitation necessary.

But nothing important, or meaningful, or beautiful, or interesting, or great, ever came out of imitation. What is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.

More difficult because there is no zeitgeist to read, no template to follow, no mask to wear. Terrifying, actually, because it requires you to set aside what your friends expect, what your family and your co-workers demand, what your acquaintances require, to set aside the messages this culture sends, through its advertising, its entertainment, its disdain, and its disapproval, about how you should behave.

. . . Begin with the most frightening of all things, a clean slate. And then look, every day, at the choices you are making, and when you ask yourself why you are making them, find this answer: Because they are what I want, or wish for. Because they reflect who and what I am.

I’ve L O N G since stopped trying to be perfect. That’s another post. That’s not where my mind went today when I read “Being Perfect” by Anna Quindlen.

Instead, I’ve been thinking about those last three paragraphs above. Last week I watched Facing the Giants – the entire movie, in 10 minute increments, on youtube. (I will definitely be purchasing this movie for my family.) It’s a football movie, sure, but it encompasses so much more. Since watching the movie, I’ve found myself thinking quite a bit about the overall messages presented.

I’ve written recently about being prepared for opportunity. In the Facing the Giants, a man tells a story about faith and preparation:

I’ve been preparing for opportunity. I’ve been taking action. But my goal has been . . . unfocused. I’m taking advantage of every opportunity I come across, but it’s all adding up to a big pile of puzzle pieces. I haven’t been able to figure out, as Anna Quinland said, “what I want or what I wish for.”

I think I’ve figured out what I want. The coach in Facing the Giants articulated it for me:

“I resolve to give God everything I’ve got. Then I’ll leave the results up to Him.”

So, I’ll continue to prepare for opportunity. Or rain, whichever is in my future. But my focus isn’t only on the logistics anymore. It’s on giving God everything I’ve got. And leaving the results up to Him. That means spending more time in my Bible. And in prayer. And not just in praise and thanks and petitions, but quietly as well. Abiding. (I’m not that good at “doing nothing,” so abiding is difficult for me.) And I’m going to start with a clean slate. I’m going to take my past into consideration, of course, it led me to where and who I am right now. But I’m not going to let momentum lead me into the future. Or be distracted by confessed sin and the past. Rather, in His promise of no condemnation, looking both forward to the future and, more importantly, engaging – really ENGAGING in the present, I’m going to focus on “giving Him the best I’ve got.” (oh, you just THOUGHT I approached life with intention BEFORE. Just wait. I’m going to be . . . tenacious.)

And I feel like I need to clarify. I’ve never been comfortable with the idea of “finding” my “one” purpose or figuring out God’s “perfect” plan for my life. If one person misses God’s “perfect will” for their lives, it would impact too many other people and cause them to miss out on God’s perfect will for THEIR life. Just marrying the “wrong” person means their spouse didn’t marry the right person and so on and so on. I’ve written about it before in a post entitled “learning in flux” but basically here’s what I believe (in a tiny little nutshell):

If I am a God fearing, faith filled, honorable woman who makes choices based on Biblical wisdom, then within the moral will of God, whatever I decide to do, will be equally pleasing to God. And whatever choices I make, I know “that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, and who have been called according to His purpose.” HIS purpose. It’s not about me. It’s about me giving Him my very best. Preparing for rain. And leaving the results up to Him.

This last clip is the one that compelled me to watch the entire movie. This is the clip that inspires me. And while many viewers may be inspired and encouraged by Brock’s determination to make it to the 50 yard line, I am inspired by the coach and his determination to show Brock how much more he could accomplish if he gave God his best effort.

“. . . therefore I quote” Pausch & Hartman

I read, therefore I quote.

“Luck is where preparation meets opportunity. “
— Randy Pausch (The Last Lecture)

There’s a similar quote by Henry Hartman:

“Success always comes when preparation meets opportunity”

---

My fear is that I’ll get what I’m asking for.

That would be singing and speaking work.

And I’m not sure I want it.

My other fear is that I won’t get any singing or speaking work.

I know. I’m so decisive.

I called my assistant pastor last week and told her that I was available to sing and/or speak at events. For years, I’ve been making myself UNavailable. She immediately had a few ideas and she asked me if I had any recordings of my singing or speaking. And now I’m on youtube.

And now I’m not sure I should be.

One of the youtube clips, “It is What is Is” (Squirrel in the Chimney) was from a Mother’s Day brunch last May. I accepted the invitation because it was local and only a few hours on a Saturday. So much fun! I had a GREAT time. But I had so many other things going on last year, I knew the timing wasn’t right.

A number of years ago, I led music and performed at a weekend retreat and was a key speaker at another. I left Friday afternoon and returned Sunday afternoon. A LOT of work, but a very comfortable fit. LOVED the experience. HATED being away from my family for the entire weekend. I missed EVERYTHING! With a husband who sometime travels and works late, weekends are FAMILY time. I didn’t – and still don’t – want to give that up. We don’t have that many years left until the kids have their own agendas on the weekend. It’s starting with FavoriteSon already.

And with a husband who sometimes travels and works late, evening speaking engagements aren’t really a good idea either. Years ago, we actually instituted a family “policy” about school nights. We don’t participate in activities that required weeknight involvement. We didn’t go to Wednesday night church for years because it ended AFTER PinkGirl’s bedtime. We tried it a few times, but Thursday mornings were HORRIBLE, and on Thursday afternoons after school my children were replaced by their evil, cranky twins.

But now, the kids are older. They stay up a little later. If they stay home alone they actually do what they’re supposed to do – like homework or cleaning up. Okay, they’re kids, so SOMETIMES they do what they’re supposed to do. The point is that FavoriteSon babysits his sister pretty well. She sometimes calls us to tell us NOT to come home because they’re having too much fun.

Now, my family could come with me if I travel. Now, for some reason, I’m thinking that leading a weekend retreat every once in a while wouldn’t be a bad idea. FirstHusband is interested in joining with some other dads at church who take their kids camping one weekend a month. And I would be home all weekend alone. I could relax and do nothing . . . but seriously. Regular readers. Can you see that happening? B O R I N G.

So. I opened a door. Now I prepare, because I believe Randy and Henry.

For me, preparing includes getting my voice into shape. I appreciate the compliments on the youtube videos, but I heard me too. I’ve got some serious work to do. My range is diminished, my breath control is weak and my repertoire is very thin. Since I do better with deadlines, I’m scheduling a recording session at a local school. I’ll be a student project. I’ve done it before and it was a great learning experience. There’s nothing like listening to yourself all alone on a track. eek. I can REALLY tell what I need to work on after that.

Preparing also means putting together some presentations. The hard part is deciding which topics to do first. If someone would just give me a topic, I could just do it. FirstHusband thinks I should create a presentation on “grace based parenting.” hmmm. Is he thinking I need a little reminding? Couldn’t hurt.

Preparing also means updating my website. I’m thinking. I’m learning.

I’m preparing for opportunity.

And hoping it occurs Monday through Friday during school hours.

a response to Ms. CornRefiner’s comment

Last week, I wrote a Works for Me Wednesday post on my family’s reduction of high fructose corn syrup in our diet, entitled “high fructose corn syrup “in moderation.” My focus was on learning about nutrition and the dietary changes which are working for our family. However, the linked videos contained some references to the Corn Refiner’s Association. Today, a new comment appeared on that post. From Liz at the Corn Refiner’s Association. (sorry CRA, no link love for you.) She wanted to set me straight and provide additional resources for my research. How sweet. (pun intended)

Given the nature of her comment the blatant post highjack, complete with advertising links, I felt my response warranted an entire post rather than leave it buried in the comments of an older post. Although she ends with a different agenda, MY focus is still on nutrition. I’ll leave the economic and political commentary on this particular issue to those who have a passion for it.

“Hi, my name is Liz and I work for the Corn Refiner’s Association.”

Give me a sec. I need to re-read last week’s post to see if your lawyer will be contacting me next. No. I think I’m good. (by JSM)

“I wanted to share some information about High Fructose Corn Syrup.”

oh good. I get to heckle. I LOVE doing that! Just ask Mr. Ofori and Mr. Sunday (by JSM)

“High fructose corn syrup, like table sugar and honey, is composed of fructose and glucose, which are found in many naturally-occurring fruits, vegetables and nuts.

(you can’t see it, but Liz is patting me on the head right now.) Gee, thank you for telling me that! Because I hadn’t done ANY research before you stopped by. And I certainly didn’t know anything about fructose or glue . . . OH! No, it’s spelled glucose, right? How silly of me. I can spell Alpha-Amylase and Glucoamylase, and Xylose isomerase, but I can’t find them in the grocery store. Maybe they’re in the produce department. or the pharmacy.

And I’m definitely going to look for “naturally-occurring fruits, vegetables and nuts.” I’ll ask the produce manager at my grocery store to point them out to me. But, please. Continue. (by JSM)

“And high fructose corn syrup has the same number of calories as sugar and honey – 4 per gram.”

Well, then it must metabolize the same as sugar and honey. Right? No? Oh, that’s right, HFCS metabolizes in the LIVER. But that’s “of little consequence” like it says on the website you recommended:

“Though the individual sugars are metabolized by different pathways, this is of little consequence since the body sees the same mix of sugars from caloric (nutritive) sweeteners, regardless of source.“

What a relief. Somebody should tell Scott Kustes, over at Modern Forager. His has no idea that this is of “little consequence.” He wasted his time writing an article. If he had only read the Corn Refinery’s Frequently Asked Questions page first. He could have spent the time consuming HFCS in moderation. Instead, he wrote this:

“There are five sugars known as monosaccharides: glucose, fructose, galactose, xylose, and ribose.(1) These five sugars serve as the building blocks of the disaccharides that we all know and love: sucrose, lactose, maltose, trehalose, and cellobiose.(2) We’re going to focus specifically on two of the monosaccharides, glucose and fructose, and one of the disaccharides, sucrose.

Glucose is the main energy of cellular function, metabolized by most every cell in the body. It fuels your cells, and while not technically necessary for the body to function (it can operate on fuel derived from fat and protein), some level of glucose from carbohydrates is a nice to have, especially if you engage in high-intensity activity. The body works very hard to keep blood glucose in a narrow range, through careful administration of insulin. Too high and all kinds of damage can be done, too low and all kinds of death can occur. So really only one kind of death, but in the grand scheme, isn’t one enough?

Fructose is a sugar found mainly in fruits, which undergoes metabolic processing in the liver. The main problem with fructose is that little piece about needing to be metabolized by the liver. Studies have suggested that consuming too much fructose messes up all kinds of things in the body.(3) Some show a correlation with obesity. Fructose tends to promote an increase in triglycerides in the blood, which are a definite marker for heart disease. Other studies have shown that fructose pulls important minerals from the blood, chelating them out of the body. This little gem also increases levels of uric acid in the body, an abundance of which brings about the symptoms of gout. Studies have shown fatty liver disease from too much fructose, making the liver look like that of an alcoholic. And finally, fructose reduces circulating insulin, leptin, and ghrelin levels, hormones which control satiety and appetite.” read more . . .

So, Scott, you’re saying it’s not fructose, it’s TOO MUCH fructose that’s the problem. Like in high fructose corn syrup? So, I can still eat fruit, because the AMOUNT of fructose in my apple would be “moderate” whereas the AMOUNT of fructose in HFCS Apple JUICE would be . . . higher? Thank you. (by JSM)

(Back to you, Liz:)

“For the most part, you’ll find high fructose corn syrup in the same kinds of products in which you would find sugar or other sweeteners.”

I know! I buy those other products! Do you have any recommendations? (by JSM)

At the same time, corn sweeteners offer some unique functional benefits that help companies offer more choices in food products.

Oh! Do tell! I always like products that help companies. And I want more food choices containing HFCS (by JSM)

“High fructose corn syrup keeps foods fresh, enhances fruit and spice flavors, retains moisture in bran cereals, helps keep breakfast and energy bars moist, maintains consistent flavors in beverages, and keeps ingredients evenly dispersed in condiments.”

Really. It’s amazing. Those are some “unique functional benefits,” alright. How do companies making the products I buy do it? I never realized the products I buy aren’t fresh, have diminished flavors and are stale. And I just need to pay more attention when I drink my soda or juice. I’ve never noticed inconsistent flavors. Oh! I forgot. I don’t drink soda or juice. And I must have overlooked my lumpy condiments. (by JSM)

“Price may have prompted manufacturers to switch from sugar to high fructose corn syrup 30 years ago, but it is no longer a primary factor, since high fructose corn syrup has specific and unique functional qualities not shared by sugar. In addition, the price of corn is rising substantially due to demand.”

I’m sorry, what are you babbling about? manufacturers and the price of corn? We’re talking HEALTH here at Pragmatic Compendium. Focus. (by JSM)

“There’s a lot of solid research and information at

wait, those links don’t look quite right. Let me help. (by JSM)

” www dot Sweet (Sneaky) Surprise dot com and www dot HFCS (Twisted) Facts dot com. Thank you for your consideration.”

Oh no. Thank YOU. For the blog fodder. And more learning. (by JSM)

So, Corn Refiner’s Association? I said it in my first post. I’ll say it more slowly this time: Sell. It. Walking.

I’m going to learn a little more. But I’ll be sure to stick with what I can understand. Big words are scary.

---

Find great recipes and helpful kitchen tips at Kitchen Tip Tuesdays hosted by Tammy’s Recipes!

Want to learn “what works” for lots of different people? Click on over to Works for Me Wednesday hosted by Shannon at Rocks in My Dryer!

defining “honor thy mother”

My blogging has been light in substance the last few weeks. I’ve had some stuff happening. On Monday, October 13th, my mother had two stents and a balloon angioplasty placed in her heart. She was released from the hospital two days later and was staying with friends (in Arkansas). She didn’t get better. She got worse. Today, she will be admitted to a rehab facility for a maximum of 21 days. After that, we’ll see. If she’s better, she will go home to her own house and continue to live in Arkansas. If she’s not, well . . . That’s another post.

Let’s go back. In a nutshell.

My mother went to a high school reunion and reconnected with a friend. He and his wife live in Arkansas. They stay in contact after the reunion. Skip ahead. My mother asks my dad to move to Arkansas after she retires. He doesn’t want to go. He doesn’t want to leave his family. (My two sisters and I, along with our families live in Central Florida. My parents moved here in 1966, when I was two.) Skip ahead. Over a year passes and my dad still says no. Skip ahead. A few months more and my dad still says no. Skip ahead. My mother visits her friend and his wife in Arkansas. She comes home. She says, “I bought a house in Arkansas and I want a divorce.” Skip ahead. In May of 2008, the divorce is final and she moves to Arkansas. Skip ahead. It’s September 23rd. My home phone rings, caller id shows my mom. I’m on my way out the door to work the Whale so I let it go to voice mail. My cell rings, and I’ve got my hands full so I let it go to voice mail. I check caller id in the car and it shows it’s my mother’s number again. I get to the Whale, unpack my car and my cell rings. It’s my dad.

My mother’s friend had called my dad, using my her cell phone. He called to tell my dad that my mother needed a triple bypass and a valve replacement. Would my dad consider coming to Arkansas to take care of her after the surgery? My father, the most gracious man I know, says he can’t do that.

I call my mother. I get the details of her condition and the surgery. I spend DAYS deciding what to do. How do I “honor my mother” and at the same time, not take on the consequences of her actions? How do I “honor my mother” while still making sure that SHE is responsible for her choices? In the end, a friend lost her mother and somehow, at the exact right time, emailed me with some powerful insight. My husband’s input? He wanted me to have no regrets.

I called my mother.

Me: “Mom, forget convenience, forget money. How can I help? What do you need me to do for you? Do you want me to come to Arkansas for the surgery?”

Mom: “Well . . . “

Me: “When do you want me to come?”

Mom: “Well I’ll be asleep for two or three days after the surgery.”

Me: “Do you want me to be there before you go under?”

Mom: “But then you would just be sitting there for days while I slept.”

Me: “I’ll bring a book.”

We discuss care options for after the surgery. I’ve already Googled the hospital in Little Rock. They have a rehab center. I tell her I feel like the rehab center is the best place for her post-op recovery. She replies, “A NURSING HOME?” “No, mom, it’s a rehab center. Just to help you recover. It’s a short term facility. You wouldn’t be allowed to stay there.” A few days later, her doctor confirms my explanation and agrees that would be the best place for her after surgery.

Skip ahead. Friday, September 26th. The surgery, scheduled for Monday, September 29th, is canceled. Records have to transfer from her Florida doctors to her Arkansas doctors. She has pulmonary hypertension and nobody knows why. More tests. Everything is on hold. She will call me when she knows something.

Skip ahead. It’s Monday, October 13th, a little after 8:00 a.m. She’s calling to tell me that she will not be having open heart surgery. The doctors have decided to do stents instead. At 10:00 a.m. She’s in the waiting room at the hospital in Little Rock. I tell her I love her and I will pray for her at that time. Because I do. And I will. Skip ahead. Her friend calls me using her phone to tell me the procedure went well. She is released from the hospital on Wednesday and goes to stay with her friend and his wife. Skip ahead. Thursday night I call my mother. Her voice is breathy. She is winded. She says she feels terrible. Severe edema. Can’t eat. Can’t sleep. She’s shuffling when she walks and is on oxygen 24/7. I ask her when she sees her doctor again. Tomorrow (Friday). I take a risk. I ask her to ask her doctor if she could go into the rehab facility. Skip ahead. Her friend calls me Friday afternoon to tell me that she will go into the rehab center on Monday.

That’s today.

I won’t be going to Arkansas. But I will call her every day. Here are my boundaries:

Honoring my mother does NOT mean I need to personally take care of her. I just need to make sure she is taken care of, while accepting the decisions she makes about her own care.

Honoring my mother does NOT mean I need to make sure she is not alone. She moved to Arkansas. Alone.

Honoring my mother does NOT mean I need to make sure she is happy. Her expectations of me will escalate.

Honoring my mother does NOT mean putting her before my children and my husband. By moving to Arkansas, she has put me in a position where I have to choose. I must choose my family.

to be continued . . .